Some Primary Research

Days since I last pissed

Cheeks sunken and despaired

So gorgeous sunk to six stone

Lose my only remaining home

See my third rib appear

A week later all my flesh disappear

Stretching taut, cling-film on bone

Im getting better.

4st 7lb - Manic Street Preachers

I wanted to do a touching poignant documentary about someone terminal ill. We settled for a topic that is current and relevant to people our age, and that coincidently helps with our CRS. Now I'm sitting here crying because it's all so horrific. Please bear in mind these girls are our ages, 16 - 19.

Sitting here last night I thought I should probably do some media.. (admitedly I have been neglecting it lately), so I decided to search facebook for some ED groups. I joined a few and left posts asking for any one who would be willing to answer a few questions about their ED. Already I have had a terrific response. Here's some of what the girls had to say..

"My depression was getting better for a while but now its getting worse. If I didn't have people in my life that I know would take it badly if I died I would kill myself. But I know thats selfish, and would be an easy way out. Its not so much that my life is too hard to deal with, because in reality I have a pretty freakin amazing life, and I'm in a good position in life; as well as being set up for success. But I can't help but think that all I have to do is screw up once and everything will be gone and I'll be back to the nothingness I started out to be. I don't know why I get so worked up and depressed about absolutely nothing. The point is, I do. This is how I am; and I have no idea how to cope with it all. I've tried psychotherapy...but it doesn't work for me. I've tried drug therapy, but the docs keep changing my meds and I'm just so f*cked up about all that. I love my life, but I hate this darkness that pulls me in. I want to kill this thing that exists within; but by doing that I'd also be taking my own life."

"Hi my name is jenny. I hate my body. I wish I was skinny, pl tell em that I look liek Im anorexic. But to me I am a fat pig! wihtout clothes I think that I look disgusting! They all sya Im skinny btu to me im sjut emdium I wanan be super skinny! Ive been anorexic for botu 2 yrs now. I don't do it all the time only evey now and then. when I eat too mcuh food. Im soo sry to those who ahev experienced the same thing! it's jsut the way I see myself. I rly rly rly wish I coudl see hwo ppl see me!" (ok she cant type but still)

"sometimes (like now, its pretty much constant) i would rather be thin and unhealthy than healthy."

"I am bulimic, have been for around a year and am starting to lose control since going to uni. I flatshare and my flatmates have worked me out already, though they don't confront me directly the walls are thin and I can hear them talking just as clearly as they can hear me.I now have one friend who makes me talk to her about it. I'm not used to anyone knowing my secret, she tells me I am just skin and bone- I know she says that because she knows it's what I want to hear. Secretly I hope that I am fading and the reason I feel and look so very fat is because of what I've always heard about ED distorting what you see in the mirror."

Anorexic beauty,

Feather-weight perfection,

Anorexic beauty,

Underweight Goddess.

Anorexia Beauty - Pulp

"Yes, i'll admitt, i had 'cut' myself a few times (fortunetlly not deep enough to leave a scar).I remember doing it cause i 'hated' myself.......i felt like i was the ugliest,fattest, dumbest & worthless person alive!!!I still often get it back in my head (now & again)only i stopped cutting cause i realize that,lol, that will only make me look worse(;& i know alot of people claim 'cutting' is for attention...but in alot of cases i know that is totally not true!!!"

"[about self harm] Yeah, only when I'm drunk though.. I usually wake up and not remember what I"ve done, I usually have words like 'fat fuck,' or 'ugly fat bitch'......or pictures of forks and what not cut into myself. It's kind of disturbing. I hate it. I really fuckin hate it.EDs have lead to so much more than just the eating thing.. Its gone to depression, isolation, alcoholism, self mutilation and other substance abuse. It's fucking retarded and I wish I could stop."